I looked back and wandered why is this happening and what will happen then after.

I felt really lost and didnt know what to do with this much of changes.

God just reminded me of Ecclesiastes 7:13-14
"Consider what God has done: who can straighten what he has made crooked? when times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider; God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future."

things i find it bitter, adding one thing to another. please let me know what is the reason behind and show me the way where i should be heading. i really need your guidance, lord.

(edited)
she appeared offline suddenly & i found tears swelling on my eyes.

i seriously dont look forward to work everyday. every morning i wake up, sleep-deprived. i often laughed at working adults for looking like zombies when they are in the MRT, but i guess people are laughing at me for how dead i look like. pimples coming out everywhere on my face. and i hate it when there is a dread in me

i seriously miss school. dont believe, ask huda. haha. i dont mind rushing for project / presentation / tests. as long as im back to school, like usual, having lecture and tutorials. i miss yenfenn and serbian about the endless gossips that they have. or even just sitting in the canteen and look at people come and go.

i seriously need to get a life! i feel like i'm perfectly fine, honestly but it only applies during weekends. Everytime there's other people around, I feel like "it's gonna be okay, its just going to last for another few more weeks?" than once I'm on my way to work, with a SECOND to spare and think about something, all the misery, all the suffocation, and all the impatient pain starts running through my veins. It just feels, like crap, honestly.

I JUST NEED TO POUR OUT LAHHHHS.

the final conclusion seeped into the deepest edge of my heart and clung on to its reins riding it's pain and sorrow out to the windows, never to be seen again.

everything is gonna be alright (:

thanks for all of your assurance.

     

1. I have started my TEP for like three weeks which inculdes one week of training. i work from 9am to 6pm everyday for like $10 a day. if i were to cut off my transport expenses and food, im just left with $2. besides, it's definately not as cool as how people think it is to work there. i have to run with faxes to fax over and pick up 50-90 calls a day, hang on to my temper when customers just starts screaming when i just picked the call, help to solve customers enquiries and problems. it has become a bit more tolerable, but its still exhausting after the end of the day. and by the time i reach home, i practically dont feel like moving around but just stick close to the sofa or bed.

2. It is very hard to get a life outside with friends and all when I am being consumed with work day in and out. I am so not gonna live my life away just like that. i am so looking forward to the next holidays or sth, so that we could just really RELAX. somewhere far away from office please.

3. piano theory exam is coming this saturday. im slightly scared. i kept giving myself excuses, cant find the time to study.

4. I really thank God for Nurul. she is one source of hope and light for my entire 7 weeks ahead. everyday after work, despite all the bad calls and everything, she would definately send a really sweet sms which makes the day end off in a lighter note. not only that, she would give a hug without you knowing and that was the one thing I needed the most at that critical moment. i think without her in TEP, my life would be dead dead boring. and definately not annoyed by the fact that she get really high about hot guys cause i'll get to know them too. haha!

5. Julian's birthday @ grandma's house

  

  

I must have been busy for a long time. Busy with what, I have no idea. I haven't been doing much work, been cutting down on practising piano, tons of work left unfinished. But I don't want to waste all my time doing all the boring stuffs that suddenly oops i'm 21 and I start to wrinkle and die. I've so many things I've yet to do, I don't want to miss out on all the fun. Because when you're older, it's no longer fun. It's work, work & work because people would say 'be serious, you're no longer young' and you can never get away with anything anymore. doesnt it sounds true.

and thanks, huda (: love you x100000

it is 7am. your feet thud to the ground and your body reluctantly follows them to the shower. makeup is applied as you frantically go through the outfit choice, and just looking at your wardrobe and wondering what made you stack on those piles stacked in the corner over the past year. Then, because you pushed the snnoze button four times, you have to grab a piece of toast as you run out of the door.

at the office your stress levels soar -- 15 incoming calls all from the 5 hours since you left, and there is a "situation" to deal with. at 7pm, you laze around the sofa with the tv on. at 10pm your head hits the pillow and you are out cold. exhaustion sets in. Your body is aching for rest, your eyes hardly opening and your mind is racing.

Then you finally fall back to sleep, your alarm sounds. It's 7am again.

that is my rountine for the next 9 weeks :( how is yours?