I looked back and wandered why is this happening and what will happen then after.

I felt really lost and didnt know what to do with this much of changes.

God just reminded me of Ecclesiastes 7:13-14
"Consider what God has done: who can straighten what he has made crooked? when times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider; God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future."

things i find it bitter, adding one thing to another. please let me know what is the reason behind and show me the way where i should be heading. i really need your guidance, lord.

(edited)
she appeared offline suddenly & i found tears swelling on my eyes.

i seriously dont look forward to work everyday. every morning i wake up, sleep-deprived. i often laughed at working adults for looking like zombies when they are in the MRT, but i guess people are laughing at me for how dead i look like. pimples coming out everywhere on my face. and i hate it when there is a dread in me

i seriously miss school. dont believe, ask huda. haha. i dont mind rushing for project / presentation / tests. as long as im back to school, like usual, having lecture and tutorials. i miss yenfenn and serbian about the endless gossips that they have. or even just sitting in the canteen and look at people come and go.

i seriously need to get a life! i feel like i'm perfectly fine, honestly but it only applies during weekends. Everytime there's other people around, I feel like "it's gonna be okay, its just going to last for another few more weeks?" than once I'm on my way to work, with a SECOND to spare and think about something, all the misery, all the suffocation, and all the impatient pain starts running through my veins. It just feels, like crap, honestly.

I JUST NEED TO POUR OUT LAHHHHS.

the final conclusion seeped into the deepest edge of my heart and clung on to its reins riding it's pain and sorrow out to the windows, never to be seen again.

everything is gonna be alright (:

thanks for all of your assurance.

     

1. I have started my TEP for like three weeks which inculdes one week of training. i work from 9am to 6pm everyday for like $10 a day. if i were to cut off my transport expenses and food, im just left with $2. besides, it's definately not as cool as how people think it is to work there. i have to run with faxes to fax over and pick up 50-90 calls a day, hang on to my temper when customers just starts screaming when i just picked the call, help to solve customers enquiries and problems. it has become a bit more tolerable, but its still exhausting after the end of the day. and by the time i reach home, i practically dont feel like moving around but just stick close to the sofa or bed.

2. It is very hard to get a life outside with friends and all when I am being consumed with work day in and out. I am so not gonna live my life away just like that. i am so looking forward to the next holidays or sth, so that we could just really RELAX. somewhere far away from office please.

3. piano theory exam is coming this saturday. im slightly scared. i kept giving myself excuses, cant find the time to study.

4. I really thank God for Nurul. she is one source of hope and light for my entire 7 weeks ahead. everyday after work, despite all the bad calls and everything, she would definately send a really sweet sms which makes the day end off in a lighter note. not only that, she would give a hug without you knowing and that was the one thing I needed the most at that critical moment. i think without her in TEP, my life would be dead dead boring. and definately not annoyed by the fact that she get really high about hot guys cause i'll get to know them too. haha!

5. Julian's birthday @ grandma's house

  

  

I must have been busy for a long time. Busy with what, I have no idea. I haven't been doing much work, been cutting down on practising piano, tons of work left unfinished. But I don't want to waste all my time doing all the boring stuffs that suddenly oops i'm 21 and I start to wrinkle and die. I've so many things I've yet to do, I don't want to miss out on all the fun. Because when you're older, it's no longer fun. It's work, work & work because people would say 'be serious, you're no longer young' and you can never get away with anything anymore. doesnt it sounds true.

and thanks, huda (: love you x100000

it is 7am. your feet thud to the ground and your body reluctantly follows them to the shower. makeup is applied as you frantically go through the outfit choice, and just looking at your wardrobe and wondering what made you stack on those piles stacked in the corner over the past year. Then, because you pushed the snnoze button four times, you have to grab a piece of toast as you run out of the door.

at the office your stress levels soar -- 15 incoming calls all from the 5 hours since you left, and there is a "situation" to deal with. at 7pm, you laze around the sofa with the tv on. at 10pm your head hits the pillow and you are out cold. exhaustion sets in. Your body is aching for rest, your eyes hardly opening and your mind is racing.

Then you finally fall back to sleep, your alarm sounds. It's 7am again.

that is my rountine for the next 9 weeks :( how is yours?

i think im falling in love with kate spade. how.

die die die.

Its starting of october already.

Honestly, for the past one month. i have been really far away from you, Lord. i have been feeling mixed up and filled with emotions. its just fear, anxiety and hope in my heart. its has been hard fighting the urge to put off quiet time, to talk to God and to silence God's words in my head. which eventually I just leave the train of thoughts into my head.

However, God, you just wont stop trying to get in.

Thank you God for your faithfulness, Thank you for hearing my prayers which I said before going to sleep. there might be moments of confusions and doubts, but I want to trust in you. my thoughts, my fears. it all belongs to you and even as unsure and scared as I may be. I am really glad for your provisions in my life and the miracles that you made. Out of the whole picture, I could see the pieces fixing bit by bit in my life.

it was definately a month of much blessings (: Grant me strength and peace, and set in me a loving heart & kindness to love the people around me. Help us as a cell to grow stronger in you too. at times when we find it impossible to do it, remind us that everything is possible with God. Shape me to grow more and more like Jesus, and to live for you more and more each day.

With much love,
A happy girl
Joey


He gave up his life before I was even born.
He gave up his life before I said thank you.
He gave up his life before I was changed.
He gave up his life before I was to accept Him into my life.

            

"Friends are like apples, cause they're good for you
Friends are like air-conditioning, cause they keep you cool
Friends are like shoes, cause they walk everywhere with you
Friends are like sticks, cause in a bundle, they're hard to break
Friends are like doors, cause they open up and let you in
Friends are like whiteboards, cause if you make a mistake, it can be erased"

okays. i am selected to work at UOB bank for school attachment for three months and its at ALEXANDRAAAA.  just think of the travelling part plus the travelling expenses already freaks me out. and i still dont know if i get paid anot. worst part is serbian and yenfenn is not there. oh me. suddenly, it just dont feel exciting. i mean its like not seeing them for 3mths. oh wells. I AM SO GONNNNA MISSS THEMMMM :(

Shopping makes me a better person.

As a life philosophy, I have found that it has served me pretty well so far.

After all, shopping is about the pursuit of the best. It is the process of combing through many in order to choose just one. It's about refusing to compromise; it's the serach for perfection.

It recently occured to me that if I applied the same dilligence that I habitually apply to finding the perfect shoes, to other aspects of my life (say, finance) - I should benefit greatly.

Every would-be sprees teaches me to compare. It forces me to review what I already have, and to consider that against what other people dont. It teaches me to count my blessings.

Even when you dont buy, there's lessons to be earned. Window shopping teaches contentment. You learn to derive pleasure from little things. the sensory details of the shopping experience, the other happy shoppers.

I guess shopping enriches me.

By Donna Tang (Editor of Smitten Magazine)

work work work work work.

currently working and feeling really tired. now i know why working adults look like zombies in the mrt trains.

oh wells. will update soon, maybe during the weekends (:

I still remembered vividly, i saw her raising her right hand. I didnt know what to do, but also to raise up my hand. At that point in time, i wasnt sure if it was the right choice to do that. but gradually, i was shown of God's love and He had helped me to release many of my strongholds that have been with me for very long.

I kind of lost track of You and was being swallowed into the crowd and not feeling your presence was the scariest thing of all. One day i woke up and couldnt feel your hand that close anymore as if it was fading away bit by bit. i felt really scared and worried.

But You are here again. into your hand, i commit again. with all i am, for you Lord. you're the reason that i live, the reason that i sing.

Much Love
Joey